Steroids! OoOoOoOoOoOo! Scary!
The Blue Jays' Melky Cabrera, who's already been suspended once for using performance enhancing drugs (PEDs), is on the block again. As reported yesterday by ESPN.com and then like a million other people, he and about 19 other players are facing suspensions for connection with an alleged PED-supplying clinic.
Here are two reasons this is really idiotic.
I'm not going to go into all the details since you can read the ESPN report yourself, but my first reason is that, basically, they're trying to suspend all of these players because a guy who ran an "Anti-Aging Clinic" that allegedly supplied the drugs and kept some really crappily-written records about who he gave them to has agreed to assist MLB in their investigation - essentially, he's agreed to name names - to head off a lawsuit from MLB and to enlist their help in trying to protect him from criminal charges. Now this means that these players will be suspended not because they tested positive, nor because they've been convicted of possessing PEDs, but just because a guy with a massive ulterior motive and major credibility issues is saying they did drugs. It probably means the suspensions won't hold up (at least that's what one with a rational mind and some respect for due process would hope), but it's still pretty crazy that they're even trying, when all they have are some shitty notes and the shitty dude who shittily took them as their "proof."
Here's my less popular reason (although not as unpopular as it used to be): performance enhancing drugs shouldn't be illegal, shouldn't be considered cheating, and should be allowed. Really.
Aside from the usual arguments (players have been using various "performance enhancers" like amphetamines for decades, players still need talent to be major league professional athletes that drugs can't give them, juiced players are playing against juiced players, etc. etc.), I just don't see what the big deal is with a player bulking up through dope as opposed to bulking up through working out. Because they push how far a player can "improve" himself beyond what natural means would? Well guess what, modern exercise machines, modern training regimens, modern diets and nutritional theories, modern bats and hockey sticks and golf clubs and swimsuits, and a hundred other things already do that compared to guys even 10 years ago. Why is this one avenue of improvement so taboo? I know they banned those LZR swimsuits under the guise of "technological doping" but one only has to look at the difference in NHL goaltender statistics and how they correlate with the enlarging and lightening of goalie pads to know that extensive equipment banning as giving a "technological" advantage is not the rule but the exception. You could even argue that based on this logic, they never should have allowed players to start using baseball gloves over a century ago since they clearly give a performance advantage over players who used to play barehanded. But that argument would be obviously asinine. So why is this one not?
Beyond that, what about procedures that technologically, through advanced medical procedure, enhance someone's performance when something has happened to damage his or her ability to perform at all? Why is Tommy John ligament replacement surgery not performance enhancing? If a player needs his elbow ligament replaced with one from his leg because he tore it, isn't he enhancing his ability to perform as compared to his injured self? Well no, you might argue, it's just a procedure to return him to where he was. But what about cases where pitchers have actually shown improved velocity? They're rare, but it has happened that pitchers have reported increased velocity and control after having the procedure. Does that mean they're cheating? And what about a player with an injury that causes severe muscle deterioration due to inactivity? Joffrey Lupul missed extensive time in his career due to a blood infection following back surgery. It took him months to rehabilitate himself to the point where he was able to play again, including the rebuilding of atrophied muscles. If he'd taken steroids to get there quicker, monitored by a doctor to ensure that he'd only take them to return to the level he'd been at before the surgery and infection, would that have been cheating?
There are no hard answers to those questions that involve matters of degree. Which is why there shouldn't be those questions at all. Either all baseball players should go back to playing barehanded, or every technological advancement through any means - equipment, training, diet, medical procedure and, yes, substances - should be allowed. To allow most of those things but get all high horsey about "purity" and "integrity" and "oh think of the children" regarding one of them is, as mentioned, sanctimonious and stupid.
So good luck, Melky. Your previous fans in San Francisco are a bunch of dicks for booing you the other day (speaking of sanctimonious, holy crap Tim Brown) considering there would have been no World Series championship for them last year if you hadn't led the league in hitting for most of the season before you were suspended. And Bud Selig and Major League Baseball are a bunch of dicks now for trying to hang you and some other guys for tenuous, unproven connections to a non-credible dickbag accused of supplying you with something that shouldn't even be illegal in the first place.
Now, just get your stupid fucking team to hit already and we can all go home happy.
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